The Form Guide - Part Three

Well, onto the ring ins!

• John – Veteran Bail performer to go along with frightening drinking capacity. It’s not an ‘if’, but a ‘when’ will he hurt you? Will enjoy taking some of the younger lads for a ride. Can explode out of the blokes at any moment of any day. One of the true stayers that can be devastating to go with. Double diamond Status also.
• Lyn – The woman who can outstrip John Armstrong is one to be feared. Look out when she gets going…. I see dancing and Karaoke.
• David – Rounds out the three seasoned amigos. Another with solid Bali form behind him.
• Pam – With Bernie and Lyn going, Pam will not be far behind. Or maybe in front…. Looking forward to finding out.
• Rel – First of the big jobs, the Matron of Honour. Does this mean you carry Amy home or does she carry you? Expectations are high. Apparently her nose goes numb after one too many, expecting her to entirely misplace it this trip.
• Rick – One of the quiet ones…. But then again, sometimes the quiet ones are the ones to be feared the most…
• Jess and Beth – Double the Callaghan, Quadruple the trouble. Author is always fearful of this combo, especially as I can tell the difference, but then can’t remember which is which….. Apparently can’t wait to confuse the crap out of everyone. Jess has years of Ballarat Uni training to call on, while Beth loves a Champers and is a nurse, we all know they love a drop! 
• Christie – LOOK OUT, the girl is off the leash….. To politely put it, has ditched the hubby and kids at home and will be looking to run amuck on a girl’s trip for the first time in several years…. Wow, look out. 
• Georgie – Bridesmaid. Baby action could see a dent in her usual sterling performance, will need to wait until closer to the date for better judgement. From solid breeding (Murphy family) and is a Nurse. But seriously, we all have kids! Don’t let them hold you back… I won’t be!
• Glenn – Solid participant will keep up with the front runners. Loves a chat when in the game – don’t let him distract you from running your own race.
• Stuey – Groomsman and Bali veteran of several messy trips, expect him to nearly always start towards the back, but don't ever let that false sense of security deceive you, he will always destroy you on the home straight. Amazing staying power that few can ever compete with. One of the greats who is at his peak.  Has shown his recent prowess in Bali by steering the good ship ‘Bounty’ home…. Another who the Author expects to be hurt by. (That’s a fast growing list)
• Neil – Groomsman with exceptional drinking pace. When I say pace, I mean that not one person in this field can compete on his level! Has been known to occasionally stay, but recent form says he will almost always get run down. Well, not run down technically, has already run the race, then lapped the field and retired to the stables before anyone knows what happened.  Another Double Diamond Status warning with this one. Do not go with ever!
• Razor (Tim) – New to Bali but not to drinking, will hold form throughout the week. Expect him to have a beer with breakfast. Every morning. You think I am joking about that. I’m not. Think this might be a good match up for the author at some stage – I challenge you to a duel!!!!!  (insert glove to face slap)
• Anne – Did some of her best work seeing out her 20’s recently. The people of Mt Hotham will attest to that. Can go on cocktails or wine. Don’t worry if you can’t understand her at the end of the night, just pretend she was speaking one of the 4 languages she has in her arsenal.
• Hilly – Will be seeing out his 40’s in fine form. Watch out dance floors – Mr Hill may well be on his way!
• Em – Ahhh, finally someone Ames describes as a pocket rocket! I love pocket rockets as they nearly always drink me under the table…. Dammit. Expecting dancing and singing.
• Gerard – A survivor of the Oktoberfest and Norway trip. By all accounts goes well. Big expectations placed on him by Ames.
• Kate – Another returning from a nine month absence out with general soreness!!!! Goes well first up, but can she go the distance????
• Will – In his day there was no stopping the big fella, a legend of the Geelong nightclub scene envied by Stu Harrison and could be found every weekend on any night, bar hopping his way through the night. But unfortunately as what happens to all true champions, father time eventually catches up with you and you become a shadow of your once glorious self.. Does he have enough in the tank to bring himself up for an occasion like this? Most champions always find more, and don't be surprised  if glimpses of his former self still come to the forefront, although beware the common gardening fertilising that comes with it.
• Amanda – Will need some prep work in the lead up but if up and about will show good form. Another nurse here people – you know the drill.
• Coley – Has Bali’d before with Will and Mick but that was many years and was a much younger man, expecting some sensational dance moves…
• Sara – Strong chance of a couples dance off here if things go the right way. I’m running the book and am already taking large bets on this event. Another nurse, be wary.
• Reece – Does Bali his own way; spends the entire trip drinking, drunk or hung over. “Big man go down!” Wow, what a life! Wonder if his new occupation, or as he likes to call it, being ‘semi-retired’ will hamper him? If found by the pool and quiet, a quiet offer of ‘Fizzy Bubbley’ should awaken the beast..
• Senji – Recent Achilles injury and old age has hampered his preparation, hoping for big things from the Best Man. It’s ok, that’s why they invented the swim up pool bar Senj – no walking required.
• Rach – Another solid performer. May need to get in on the life saving training to save Senji when he falls off his pool bar stool…. Can go on champagne and wine.
• Gede – Our trusted Bali Guide!!! Can’t wait to meet him!
• Ani – Gede’s better half!
• Damo - Danger, Danger, Danger….. Bandit 1 – Heard a whisper that in combo with Shane, Simo and Jasey will go coco banana’s…. Should be awesome!
• Jac – Has raced this track before in 07 when she smashed out of the blocks for an easy BOG performance on the opening night, only to retire hurt for the rest of the trip. Arak is a hell of a drink.
• Simmo - Bandit 2 – Read above. Will strangely not worry about anything that the field is doing and run his own race. Has the owners and punters worried that if let lose in Bali, may never come home. The Vegas like lights, party scene, techno music, may see him be lost forever.. It’s ok… Bali has him now…
• Nazpot – More of the same, small and dangerous.  Is anyone involved in this wedding not a drinker??? Or was that a qualification of being invited? Another who will need to be watched closely.
• Jasey – The Silent bandit, that is until the end of the night, when words are the only indicator that the enormous amount of bourbon he has drunk has had an effect on him. Also one of the strongest stayers in the field. Will run all day and night without a sign of fatigue.

 That's it for now, stay tuned for any last minute tips. Until then, you stay classy San Fransisco!

P.S   There are some exciting awards that will be presented to the best performers of the wedding week at the ‘recovery’ party.

Hang on, does ‘recovery’ mean we stop drinking or drink some more?

I’m confused.

My head hurts.

Pass me another beer.

Categories for these awards will be announced closer to departure time!!! Bagus!

The Form Guide - Part Two

Well the last edition certainly seemed to stir up some contraversy. Let's see how we go with this next edition...
The Hardiman/Bliss contingent

• Bernie – Along with Lyn and Pam should basically be considered an Indonesian resident due to spending about 10 months a year in Bali (It feels like that long because we are not there!) Loves wine. No, No, No, REALLY LOVES WINE. Expect a mixture of laughs and tears, possibly all at once.
• Mick H Snr – Some say this is his Grand Final. Spent 4 years in Canberra inhaling VB schooners, before returning to hurt the younger generation in Victoria. Another super experienced Bali campaigner who’s form in the Munga bar since his return has raised eyebrows, with a number of Judd-like performances. Can go, will travel. One of the great Veteran stayers who is very dangerous. True Double diamond status, only experienced campaigners should tackle.
• Mick H Jnr – The burning question. What will I bring to the table? I will tell you. If it’s breakfast, a bintang. If it’s brunch, a bintang…. You get the idea. In solid training. Will be ready.  
• Zin – Will go hard or go home. No in-between for her. In full flight is an unbelievable performer. If she brings it, will destroy her husband….
• Lisa – Will sample a cocktail and will remember everything from the night before. You’ve been warned...
• Michael C – Another in heavy training, believed to be currently holed up in his brother’s shed. One who truly understands the rigors of a Bali trip.
• Liv – Ballarat Uni…. Enough said.
• Tom – Unknown quantity, may surprise with solid showing.
• Kerry – Must run in the family, loves a wine!!!!! Will enjoy the surroundings.
• Jack – By all accounts, also performing well this pre-season. Interested to see if he can go with the more experienced campaigners….
• Molly – It’s Bali Kez, surely she can have one champers!!!!! 
• Adam – In true Derek Rose style, has literally come from the clouds for this trip. I considered him a doubtful starter when invites went out, but has qualified! Will have had a full summer of Thomson Cricket Club functions behind him, so should be in supreme condition and looking for the championship.
• Sean – HEY HEY HIPPIE!!!!! All aboard. Another fine performer. Has been training hard (non drinking style), will be interested to see if he’s still got form. Will be in it for a long way.
• Clare – May have her hands full trying to control a rampant McGrath. Or maybe it will be the other way around...
• The Hardiman Crew (John, Shauna, Chris, Leanne, Janet, Paul, Tim and Deb…. Maybe others) – Seriously, how good a catholic family are we from!!!!! There are way too many to write about individually. All will enjoy the trip and make themselves known to the barmen at one point or another…. Often…..

The Form Guide - Guest Author

Since getting the invite (thanks guys!), I have been unbelievably excited to combine one of my favourite holiday destination with my favourite thing (outside any sporting event) a wedding! And not just any wedding, my sister’s wedding. But I also have the overriding feeling of being just a little bit afraid.

Some may wonder what I am afraid of? Others already have this feeling and are in severe denial about it. The fact is, I am frightened by the heavy drinking artillery that will be bombarding the Bali coast in the week beginning the 30^th of April 2012. (Only 241 days!  Great iPhone app for that, anyway….)

HAS ANYBODY LOOKED AT WHO IS COMING TO BALI!?!? 

The attendee list reads like a ‘who’s who’ of drinkers. It’s like the All Star game and it’s going to last for up to three weeks! With Ames and Mick’s  help, I’ve decided to put together a little early season form guide about the attendees. Feel free to leave your comments below.

One more important point. My gut feeling is that Grand Final day at Amy and Mick’s this year will be a bit like the Round 24 Geelong v Collingwood game. The top ranked players feeling each other out before the big dance….Be prepared!

Over the next few weeks the full form guide will be revealed. But let's start today with the happy couple and Barry Clan.

Without further ado...The Form Guide

Mick: With true panache and style, is involved in a HEAVY training load at the moment. This is evident after taking Darcy for a walk and being found five hours later holding the bar up at the Petrel hotel. To go along with this, an Oktoberfest/Crazy Norwegian wedding experience has him primed to lead the charge. Has been occasionally known to pull the pin without a moment’s notice, and an off day can see him peak too early and finish dead last. When he's up, among the best. Without pre-empting the match committee’s decision, will be happy to appoint him Captain for the trip!

Ames: The Joel Selwood of this trip (easy Ames, yes I did just compare you to Joel. Please stop drooling on your keyboard). In true Hardiman/Bliss style, will go head first into any bottle of wine/champers/cocktail (I think they make glasses over there that your head will actually fit in!!!!!!). Will be called upon to lead when our courageous captain can go no more… Looking for a massive performance.

The Barry's

• June – The good oil is that June loves a Brandy and Coke. In my eyes that already means she can go. Combined with the fact she has experienced the Bali lifestyle before and knows the conditions better then the Cats know Kardinia Park, big things are expected.
• Steve – Has played this game before. A proven performer, but a query if he will run the trip. Suggested that will lead out the pack and peak too soon. Only time will tell….
• Chez – The true hard nut of the Barry clan. Puts all the Barry boys to shame...Tequila anyone?
• Dave – The first of our Smiling Assassins. Apparently we won’t hear much from him until we hit double figures in Bintang's. I say better late then never.
• Ness – Recent pregnancy could stunt her chances but her return from bub one was absolutely spectacular. (Titanic...)
• Shane – An esteemed member of the Centurion club at the Munga Bar. Also a master of shenanigans. Place these two factors in the powder keg that is Bali and expect fireworks… High expectations from the author….
• Mandz – Will hold her own in this battle. Heard on the down low that she loves a brew.  Heading to the right place for that. Can go when challenged.
• Aunty Julie – Ex Bali local. Will enjoy watching everyone struggle on the Arak. That’s just cruel really!!!!!

Til next time punters!

Hards