The Form Guide - Part Three

Well, onto the ring ins!

• John – Veteran Bail performer to go along with frightening drinking capacity. It’s not an ‘if’, but a ‘when’ will he hurt you? Will enjoy taking some of the younger lads for a ride. Can explode out of the blokes at any moment of any day. One of the true stayers that can be devastating to go with. Double diamond Status also.
• Lyn – The woman who can outstrip John Armstrong is one to be feared. Look out when she gets going…. I see dancing and Karaoke.
• David – Rounds out the three seasoned amigos. Another with solid Bali form behind him.
• Pam – With Bernie and Lyn going, Pam will not be far behind. Or maybe in front…. Looking forward to finding out.
• Rel – First of the big jobs, the Matron of Honour. Does this mean you carry Amy home or does she carry you? Expectations are high. Apparently her nose goes numb after one too many, expecting her to entirely misplace it this trip.
• Rick – One of the quiet ones…. But then again, sometimes the quiet ones are the ones to be feared the most…
• Jess and Beth – Double the Callaghan, Quadruple the trouble. Author is always fearful of this combo, especially as I can tell the difference, but then can’t remember which is which….. Apparently can’t wait to confuse the crap out of everyone. Jess has years of Ballarat Uni training to call on, while Beth loves a Champers and is a nurse, we all know they love a drop! 
• Christie – LOOK OUT, the girl is off the leash….. To politely put it, has ditched the hubby and kids at home and will be looking to run amuck on a girl’s trip for the first time in several years…. Wow, look out. 
• Georgie – Bridesmaid. Baby action could see a dent in her usual sterling performance, will need to wait until closer to the date for better judgement. From solid breeding (Murphy family) and is a Nurse. But seriously, we all have kids! Don’t let them hold you back… I won’t be!
• Glenn – Solid participant will keep up with the front runners. Loves a chat when in the game – don’t let him distract you from running your own race.
• Stuey – Groomsman and Bali veteran of several messy trips, expect him to nearly always start towards the back, but don't ever let that false sense of security deceive you, he will always destroy you on the home straight. Amazing staying power that few can ever compete with. One of the greats who is at his peak.  Has shown his recent prowess in Bali by steering the good ship ‘Bounty’ home…. Another who the Author expects to be hurt by. (That’s a fast growing list)
• Neil – Groomsman with exceptional drinking pace. When I say pace, I mean that not one person in this field can compete on his level! Has been known to occasionally stay, but recent form says he will almost always get run down. Well, not run down technically, has already run the race, then lapped the field and retired to the stables before anyone knows what happened.  Another Double Diamond Status warning with this one. Do not go with ever!
• Razor (Tim) – New to Bali but not to drinking, will hold form throughout the week. Expect him to have a beer with breakfast. Every morning. You think I am joking about that. I’m not. Think this might be a good match up for the author at some stage – I challenge you to a duel!!!!!  (insert glove to face slap)
• Anne – Did some of her best work seeing out her 20’s recently. The people of Mt Hotham will attest to that. Can go on cocktails or wine. Don’t worry if you can’t understand her at the end of the night, just pretend she was speaking one of the 4 languages she has in her arsenal.
• Hilly – Will be seeing out his 40’s in fine form. Watch out dance floors – Mr Hill may well be on his way!
• Em – Ahhh, finally someone Ames describes as a pocket rocket! I love pocket rockets as they nearly always drink me under the table…. Dammit. Expecting dancing and singing.
• Gerard – A survivor of the Oktoberfest and Norway trip. By all accounts goes well. Big expectations placed on him by Ames.
• Kate – Another returning from a nine month absence out with general soreness!!!! Goes well first up, but can she go the distance????
• Will – In his day there was no stopping the big fella, a legend of the Geelong nightclub scene envied by Stu Harrison and could be found every weekend on any night, bar hopping his way through the night. But unfortunately as what happens to all true champions, father time eventually catches up with you and you become a shadow of your once glorious self.. Does he have enough in the tank to bring himself up for an occasion like this? Most champions always find more, and don't be surprised  if glimpses of his former self still come to the forefront, although beware the common gardening fertilising that comes with it.
• Amanda – Will need some prep work in the lead up but if up and about will show good form. Another nurse here people – you know the drill.
• Coley – Has Bali’d before with Will and Mick but that was many years and was a much younger man, expecting some sensational dance moves…
• Sara – Strong chance of a couples dance off here if things go the right way. I’m running the book and am already taking large bets on this event. Another nurse, be wary.
• Reece – Does Bali his own way; spends the entire trip drinking, drunk or hung over. “Big man go down!” Wow, what a life! Wonder if his new occupation, or as he likes to call it, being ‘semi-retired’ will hamper him? If found by the pool and quiet, a quiet offer of ‘Fizzy Bubbley’ should awaken the beast..
• Senji – Recent Achilles injury and old age has hampered his preparation, hoping for big things from the Best Man. It’s ok, that’s why they invented the swim up pool bar Senj – no walking required.
• Rach – Another solid performer. May need to get in on the life saving training to save Senji when he falls off his pool bar stool…. Can go on champagne and wine.
• Gede – Our trusted Bali Guide!!! Can’t wait to meet him!
• Ani – Gede’s better half!
• Damo - Danger, Danger, Danger….. Bandit 1 – Heard a whisper that in combo with Shane, Simo and Jasey will go coco banana’s…. Should be awesome!
• Jac – Has raced this track before in 07 when she smashed out of the blocks for an easy BOG performance on the opening night, only to retire hurt for the rest of the trip. Arak is a hell of a drink.
• Simmo - Bandit 2 – Read above. Will strangely not worry about anything that the field is doing and run his own race. Has the owners and punters worried that if let lose in Bali, may never come home. The Vegas like lights, party scene, techno music, may see him be lost forever.. It’s ok… Bali has him now…
• Nazpot – More of the same, small and dangerous.  Is anyone involved in this wedding not a drinker??? Or was that a qualification of being invited? Another who will need to be watched closely.
• Jasey – The Silent bandit, that is until the end of the night, when words are the only indicator that the enormous amount of bourbon he has drunk has had an effect on him. Also one of the strongest stayers in the field. Will run all day and night without a sign of fatigue.

 That's it for now, stay tuned for any last minute tips. Until then, you stay classy San Fransisco!

P.S   There are some exciting awards that will be presented to the best performers of the wedding week at the ‘recovery’ party.

Hang on, does ‘recovery’ mean we stop drinking or drink some more?

I’m confused.

My head hurts.

Pass me another beer.

Categories for these awards will be announced closer to departure time!!! Bagus!